Mentally empowering photographic project

Lupauduin mukaan voimauttavaan valokuvausprojektiin, jonka tarkoitus on erilaisten harjoitteiden kautta parantaa osallistujien itsetuntoa. Projektin tuloksena luodaan kalenteri, jossa kukin malli esitetään mahdollisimman luonnollisina. Projekti on suunnattu ensisijaisesti sellaisille, joilla on taustaa syömishäiriön kanssa, tai muille, jotka ovat joutuneet kamppailemaan itsensä hyväksymisen kanssa.

Itselläni ei ole koskaan todettu syömishäiriötä, joskin pari vuotta sitten minulla epäiltiin BDD:tä hankalassa elämäntilanteessa. Tunnistan BDD:n piirteitä itsessäni toki voimakkaasti, mutten ehkä ihan sillä tasolla kuin diagnoosi vaatisi. Siksi epäröin hiukan, uskaltaudunko lähtemään projektiin. Siihen liittyy moniakin pelkoja. Tuotanko itsestäni julkisuuteen materiaalia, joka olisikin epäedustavaa? Entä, jos olen vastenmielinen meikittä? Entä, jos huomaankin itsessäni uusia negatiivisia piirteitä, joita vahdin neuroottisesti? Olen pyrkinyt jättämään itsekriittisyyteni taka-alalle; entä, jos se herääkin uudelleen? Sitten ymmärsin jotakin. Jos joudun edes miettimään tuollaisia kysymyksiä, ei projekti ole välttämättä lainkaan huono ajatus. Lisäksi järjestävänä tahona toimiva Leena (ks bloginsa täältä!) on seurannut uraani ja oli hyvin innoissaan saamaan minut mukaan. :)

I promised to participate in to empowering photographic project. The purpose is to improve the self esteem of the participants through a variety of exercises. The project will result in creating a calendar in which each model is shown as natural as possible. The project is aimed to those who have got some kind of background with eating disorders or to those who have been forced to struggle to accept themselves.

I have not been diagnosed with any eating disorder, allthough I was suspected having BDD a couple years ago in a difficult life situation. I do recognize the characteristics of BDD in myself but these features aren't so strong that I would really have it. Thus, I hesitated a while if it was wise to join the group. It involves things that cause me to be a bit afraid. What if I give in to publicity some kind of material where I'm unrepresentative? What if I find myself repulsive without make up? What if I find some new parts in me that I don't like and will start to guard them neuroticly? I've tried hard to leave my self-criticism to background; what if it wakes up again?  ...Then I understood something. If I have to think about this kind of questions, joining the project just might not be a bad idea at all! In addition to that, one of the organizers, Leena (see her blog, in Finnish thoug), has followed my career and was very enthusiastic of getting me to join the group. :)

Projektiin liittyy tehtäviä. Ensimmäinen tehtävä oli näyttää kuusi kuvaa, joissa on jotakin omasta mielestäni  miellyttävää/kaunista/tms. Lisäksi olisi hieman kerrottava, mistä asioista kuvissa pitää. Tässä ovat nämä kuvat:

There are different tasks we will perform during this project. The first one was to post six images where I find myself some how pleasing/pretty/etc. I should also tell what is it that I like about in each picture. Here are my photos:

 

Photo: Jenni Salmela
This one was taken for Back Street catalog pictures. I was modelling that pocket watch and even though the camera focused on me and not the watch, this piece became one of my and Jenni's favourites. It wasn't maybe the best pic as a catalog picture - but it was still very pretty in our eyes.

 

This one I took myself. I don't remember much about those days. I was usually a bit gloomy. In this one I like my eyes. They look very deep and their color is bright. I like it how the sunlight makes my pupil go so narrow. My lips look also kinda soft.

 

This photo was also taken by Jenni Salmela. We had a Vixxsin catalog photoshoot and after that I found a Lipservice hoodie. I tried it and it looks surprisingly good on me and so I asked if Jenni could take a photo of me, even the shoot was over allready. And this was the result. Honestly I like it because it was the first picture ever that I looked at thinking "Damn, Ida. When will you realize that you are no longer 76 kg's? Not even close. You are very good just like this." 

 

This one I took once myself, too. I had a huge headache and I was tired and my sugar levels were low. But my tired eyes looked kinda pretty. 

 This one was taken at school when I was studying theater career. It was the second last year and the last moments when our class could be really together at same lessons. Me and some of my school friends were gonna go to a cruise and sine our school was near to Turku's harbor, I stayed to wait for the ship after our last lessons. I was alone and took pictures there. When we had lessons, I was usually taking pictures. I realized there was no pics of me at our school at all because it was always me who was behind the camera. So I used timer and started to dance in our dancing hall. This is what it captured. I like the position, I like my hair and I love my lower wrist. 

And then there's this one, taken by Lauri Kananoja. I kinda like the atmosphere here. And I like my wrists and fingers. And that distant, delicate look. Or something. But I like it alot.

So, that's about it. I'm looking forward to do more tasks! 

Luvs, 
Shadow Self